But I Have Promises To Keep

[The First Doctor]

(OOC: Initially open to the Specialist. And to Sisilaya and Adagio, since they seem to be part of the Meddler's crew right now.)

"When this place is gone," she had asked him, what seemed an eternity ago, "when I'm gone and my position is gone. I want you to draw my essence from the Schism, and place it in the Matrix."

"I'll do it," was his answer. "If it comes to that, I'll do it."

He didn't know what, exactly, had made him remember that exchange with the Specialist, that day in the Halls of Eileithyia. Usually, he tried not to think of the War at all.

He raced through the rubble-strewn streets, forced to take cover twice to avoid Dalek travel machines. He'd been forced to take a wide detour once, to avoid a pitched battle, three regen-inf troopers making a stand against a Dalek horde. They died. They died, and died, and died, and died again. And still they held the line, buying time for a knot of civilians to escape to the doubtful sanctuary of the Panopticon.

There were bodies everywhere. He'd seen death before, but not here. Not on the Homeworld. Not like this.

And then he stopped, dead in his tracks, his face a mask of horror. He hadn't actually believed it could happen. Even now, with everything that had happened. That was happening. Somehow, deep down, he'd believed that it was sancrosanct. Inviolate.

The Halls were aflame.

The Meddler shuddered at the memory. No wonder he hadn't thought of her, of his promise. Fifty years gone - half the lifespan of the man he'd been under the Arch, and more after - and the terror and the pain still festered.

"When this place is gone," she had asked him, what seemed an eternity ago, "when I'm gone and my position is gone. I want you to draw my essence from the Schism, and place it in the Matrix."

"I'll do it," was his answer. "If it comes to that, I'll do it."

"And just how do you expect me to do that, Specialist?" he asked the empty museum. "There is no Matrix. Lady Romana and the Architect destroyed it when the Cruciform fell, to keep it from the Could've-been King."

He shuddered at the name, knowing just how truly terrible that creature had been.

"That way I can guard all of you, if something does happen to this planet."

"There is no 'all of us'," he said out loud. "There's just a handful of us, the last remnants of the Shining World of the Seven Systems, the witnesses of our own extinction."

"I'll do it," was his answer. "If it comes to that, I'll do it."

He brooded at his desk. "I could do it," he said, slowly. "I could reconstruct her biodatic pattern from the Vortex."

He shook his head, angrily. "And then what? The Matrix is gone. The Birthing Looms are gone. The Chameleon Arch and the the Cornucopia aren't sophisticated enough to ensheath a complete biodatic pattern from scratch."

He brooded longer. In the background, the wheeze of the time rotor was interrupted by a hiccup. I need to try and recalibrate Suicide Jack one of these days...

And then he knew. Knew, for a certainty, what he could do.

There was no computer in the Spiral Politic that could contain and process a mind as sophisticated and complex as that of a Time Lord. But there were computers that were no longer part of the Spiral Politic...

His gaze rested on the console, and a slow, mad smile began to spread across his face.

[Sisilaya Vulmecura]

Sisi tried not to shadow her foster-uncle as one would think. The man was complex and sometimes better left to his own devices so he could ponder and compare probabilities without the interruption of someone there. Not that Sisi minded, his TARDIS was vast and she took it her new goal to learn as much as she could about this world, no scratch this universe she had never known of. She spent a lot of her time between the gym and the library. Between keeping her body up in battle shape with sharp shooting at make-shift targets, cardio training and reading in the dark hours of the morning.. or at least what should be morning. She had lost track of day and night a long time ago, travelling in time and space did that to a person, yet she was adapting rather well. Better than she would have thought she would.

But the museum also drew at much of her attention, there were things there where she could stare at for hours and would still puzzle her. She was like a child in the museum sometimes, wide green eyes taking in all that extraterrestrial magnificence around her.

It's also where she mostly found him, brooding or drawing or something completely different otherwise if they weren't exploring new times.

She knew that manic smile he had on his face now as he was leaning over the console, she smiled and shook her head as soon as she saw it.

"What are you up to now, Robin? I know that smile by now."

She leaned closer, close to the console across from him. A curious wide grin spread across her own face now.

"Tell me" she whispered.

[The First Doctor]

"Well, I'm trying to boost the gain on the telepathic circuits of the TARDIS," he said, not looking up. "I need to ask her a question, and she's going to need enough power to punch through my... handicap."

He looked up. "And then, based on the answer I get, I'm debating where I should let you off. Somewhere safe, obviously. Because I'm going to do something extraordinarily dangerous."

[Sisilaya Vulmecura]

She looked down at the TARDIS, her hands sliding over a control. She had learned not long after she joined Robin that the TARDIS was actually alive, it had taken a while of getting used to but now she found it comforting. It felt like being in a forest sometimes, you were never completely alone. There was energy everywhere.

"My healing works on base of energy you know, I could try and tap into it to boost her up.." She said while staring at the moving parts of the machine, they seemed more then just lifeless mechanical rotation now.

She turned back to Robin at his last words, raising her eyebrows in amusement.

"You're just baiting me to defy you, aren't you?" She snorted.

No way she was going anywhere. Last time with the Weeping Angels had been a too close call.

[The First Doctor]

"My healing works on base of energy you know, I could try and tap into it to boost her up.." She said while staring at the moving parts of the machine, they seemed more then just lifeless mechanical rotation now.

"That might work, yes," he said, distantly. "Although I'm not positive. There's nothing wrong with the telepathic circuits. It's what's wrong up here-" he tapped himself on the side of the head "-that's the issue."

He adjusted the controls a little further. "And there's nothing you can do about that. Nothing anyone can do."

Silence for a moment. "I'm debating where I should let you off. Somewhere safe, obviously. Because I'm going to do something extraordinarily dangerous."

"You're just baiting me to defy you, aren't you?" She snorted.

Silence for a moment. His hands gripped the edge of the console tightly, and he seemed to come to some decision. His expression was inscrutable. "No," he said. "I'm not. If the TARDIS agrees, I'm going to do something..." his speech faltered, and he seemed to be groping for words. "I'm going to do something that could destroy me," he said softly, "And the TARDIS. And that could threaten the entire Spiral Politic."

He looked away, unable to meet her gaze. "I don't want you here when I do that, Sisi. I want you somewhere safe. I can't ask you to risk your life because some stubborn old man is going to harrow Hell to keep a promise."

He forced himself to look back. His tone was pleading, now, but whether the plea was to listen or to ignore him was unclear. "You've got your whole life ahead of you, Sisi. I don't want you to throw it away, following me on some damnfool crusade."

[Sisilaya Vulmecura]

Her gaze met his levelly for a while as he spoke, her expression unreadable which was rare for her, she was always very open when it came to the Meddler. She seemed to mull over his words, looking over her options, her hands softly going over the controls across from him. She finally shook her head, her hands tightening on the edge of the control panel.

"Before you picked me up, Robin. I had nothing left to live for. My family was either dead or trying to wipe my existence off the universe. I was in a world where everything surrounding me was the stench of death, decay and corruption. It's why I risked the mirrors when I found it Robin, I had nothing left to lose."

She took a deep breath, her green eyes slightly glowing. Somewhere in the TARDIS a cabinet or drawer banged a few times as her eyebrows drew together in a frown, her jaw tightening.

"You're the only thing I have bloody left, Robin! Don't you realise that! If you think you can dump me off on some godforsaken happy place thinking I'd stay put and bloody smile you're sorely mistaken! I'd chase you across the universe just to hammer some sense back into that thick head of yours if you'd try that."

She growled softly and left go of the control panel, turning around so her back faced him. She couldn't stand to see him look at her like that. Like she was something fragile. She took a deep breath again and gripped one of the railings, her hands clenching on it.

"Besides, if it's going to be as dangerous as you say it is you're going to need me. You may be able to regenerate, but you're not immortal. I'm not letting you die that easily."

Several small beady eyes were watching them from around the room, through cracks and around corners, hiding away before one could see them.

[The First Doctor]

Sisi glared back at him, her expression one of hurt and anger. "Before you picked me up, Robin. I had nothing left to live for. My family was either dead or trying to wipe my existence off the universe. I was in a world where everything surrounding me was the stench of death, decay and corruption. It's why I risked the mirrors when I found it Robin, I had nothing left to lose."

He started to say something, and she cut him off. "You're the only thing I have bloody left, Robin! Don't you realise that! If you think you can dump me off on some godforsaken happy place thinking I'd stay put and bloody smile you're sorely mistaken! I'd chase you across the universe just to hammer some sense back into that thick head of yours if you'd try that."

He looked away, unable to cope with the sudden wash of emotion. He's spent some time on Earth, playing at being human under the effects of the Chameleon Arch, but it hadn't been enough to alter the habits of a lifetime. A long, long lifetime, mostly spent alone. He was comfortable with solitude, comfortable with not getting close, not risking getting close...

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, faintly irritated as a mixture of gratitude and fear roiled in his mind.

"Besides, if it's going to be as dangerous as you say it is you're going to need me. You may be able to regenerate, but you're not immortal. I'm not letting you die that easily."

He still couldn't look at her. "I..." his voice was husky, and the words - normally a manic flow - didn't come easily. "That is... you're the only family I've got as well. I've never... that is..." He clenched his fists in frustration, then sighed.

"Look," he said, "let's compromise. Let's see about having me talk to the TARDIS first, because this is all moot if she can't or won't cooperate. Then I'll explain what I'm going to do if she can and will."

He looked at her. "And then, after you've heard the details, if you still want to risk your life because of an ancient, insane promise, I won't do anything more than try and talk you out of it. And if I can't, then..."

He swallowed hard, unable to bear the thought of what could happen to his niece. "Then," he said in a hollow voice, "you can come. Deal?"

[Sisilaya Vulmecura]

Sisi sighed deeply, her shoulders rising wit it, blowing out her breath in irritation. Sometimes she didn't know what to do with Robin. His mind contained vast things, things she could never even begin to understand, but sometimes when it came to simple things like feelings the man was like a child. You had to spit it out in his face before he got it.

She slowly turned back to him, seeing as he rubbed his eyes, his face scrunched up with emotion he didn't seem to be familiar with. She could see him stumble to find his words, but for once she had to stay put and be tough.

"Even though we're not blood related Robin, you are close to my heart. Even though you're not the big burly man with the thick lilt any more, I still know it's you. If I were to do what you're planning to do, wouldn't you try with all your might to try and make sure I'd be okay? Would you allow me to leave you off somewhere just so you'll be 'safe', knowing I could be in danger and you're not there?"

She sighed and walked around the console to his side, slowly, as if not sure what she wanted to do. She finally settled with placing a hand on his arm, squeezing gently through the grey fabric of his sleeve.

"Because that's exactly how I feel about it when you say such things Robin." She said with a sigh, finally she nodded at his compromise. But really, her mind was already made up. She just went along for his sake. She sighed when he finally looked back at her, giving a small smile.

"All right fine, ask the TARDIS then first. I'll make up my mind then"

[The First Doctor]

"Even though we're not blood related Robin, you are close to my heart. Even though you're not the big burly man with the thick lilt any more, I still know it's you. If I were to do what you're planning to do, wouldn't you try with all your might to try and make sure I'd be okay? Would you allow me to leave you off somewhere just so you'll be 'safe', knowing I could be in danger and you're not there?"

"That's different!" he protested, fully aware of how ridiculous that sounded. "I mean... that is... it just is!"

He stopped and rolled his eyes. "That... that is probably among the top ten stupidest things I've ever said, isn't it?"

She sighed and walked around the console to his side, slowly, as if not sure what she wanted to do. She finally settled with placing a hand on his arm, squeezing gently through the grey fabric of his sleeve.

"Because that's exactly how I feel about it when you say such things Robin."

He started at the contact, unable to fully suppress a lifetime of taboos. But her grip on his arm was strangely comforting.

"All right fine, ask the TARDIS then first. I'll make up my mind then"

"All right." He straightened up, his mood shifting like mercury as he considered the task at hand. "There's a telepathic contact circuit at each station - they're the small black disks near the edge. You take the engineering station, since that will give you more access to her systems, and I'll take... this one. Right here."

He rested his palms on the contacts, and waited for Sisi to do the same. "Now, just... just do whatever it is you do when you use your healing abilities. Concentrate on passing them through the contacts, if that sort of visualization will help."

He went silent, beginning to concentrate on the task at hand, then spoke again. "Oh, and try not to flinch. This will probably hurt me. A lot."

With that, he returned his attention to the console and the contacts.

[Sisilaya Vulmecura]

"That's different!" he protested, fully aware of how ridiculous that sounded. "I mean... that is... it just is!"

He stopped and rolled his eyes. "That... that is probably among the top ten stupidest things I've ever said, isn't it?"


She just laughed and shook her head, nudging his side gently before she turned to the TARDIS controls with him. She had been mentally reaching out to the TARDIS for weeks now. Getting to know her energy pattern, because she was definitely alive. She was like something she had never felt before, it wasn't exactly like a personality, but a strong old presence enveloping one. The only comparison she could make was with that of the energy of Earth itself, known by some as Mother Gaia.

She nodded mutely as her hands slid across the controls, almost caressing. her eyes hooding as her irises started to glow again, the indication the energy flow in the body was starting again.

Her hands stopped at the telepathic circuits, her palms pressing to the telepathic contact points. Her hands started to glow with golden mist.

"Hello" She called out softly, her voice sounding dual toned. Like it was there and not there at all at the same time, a product of the healing energy running through all of her body including her vocal chords. Her ma had always sounded the same when she was healing someone, lulling them to sleep with song as she healed their broken and battered bodies.

The energy started flowing from her body into her hands and through that into the TARDIS's telepathic controls, into her mainframe and straight to her core. Sisi gave a small surge as it connected there, the short moment when one energy connected with another and became one.

She gasped, her eyes starting to glow golden.

[The First Doctor]

The Meddler watched Sisi begin to glow, orange-gold light spilling off her in waves, flowing down her arms and into the TARDIS. No backing out now, he thought.

He spun the dials, setting the gain past maximum to the newly added "eleven". Gritting his teeth, he slapped his palms down on the circuit contacts.

It was louder than anything he had ever experienced. He sank into the enveloping warmth of the psychic gestalt with his TARDIS, his mind writhing and twisting as the power required to reach all the possible Meddlers clustered around his near now shredded the surface of his noosphere.

On a physical level, his joints locked and his muscles tensed. Unnoticed, he bit his lip, whimpering in pain.

He'd expected the pain. He'd been ready for the pain. He wasn't ready for her.

The TARDIS' consciousness, vast and alien and familiar, reached out to him. He flinched away, craving the contact, needing to enter the gestalt. Her voice howled over and around him, tearing and burning at him. He could feel her love and acceptance and sorrow, her distress at the way the way their contact burned him.

Tears streamed down his face. He was screaming, now.

A golden presence flowed around and through him as Sisi's mind entered the gestalt as well. The TARDIS welcomed them both, implacable and patient and alien and loving. The light soothed, healed, made the pain almost tolerable. Almost. Quickly, focusing as best he could through the longing and the agony, he outlined the question he had to ask. She/they didn't hesitate.

Yes. I/We can do it. For her, We/I will do it

The TARDIS gestalt withdrew from him, comforting him and tearing at him as she went. He groped after her blindly, unwilling to give up on even the pain of communion. She pulled away faster, leaving him stumbling through a blackness made of razors. And then physicality crashed back into him as the TARDIS severed the telepathic connection.

His legs buckled. He crashed into the console, clutching blindly at it, trying to reestablish the gestalt through sheer physical pressure. "Not enough," he sobbed, clinging to the controls like a drowning man. "It wasn't worth worth it. Not worth it."

[Sisilaya Vulmecura]

She had been so pulled in by the TARDIS that she never heard the man on the other side of the controls from her scream, or his cries of agony. Instead of the pain, she felt like she was being enveloped by the same being she had been feeling around this TARDIS for months now. She had felt it everywhere, in the walls, in the floors, even in the light. Perhaps it did not hurt her as much because she simply did not fight it, or perhaps because she was giving it energy and one tends not to bite the hand it feeds. The TARDIS had caused a short moment of outer body experience and she had seen herself at the core of the great living creature, sensing the energy of the Meddler close by.

Only when she felt herself leave the gestalt, the core of the TARDIS did she feel the tugging sensation, a tearing at her heart strings. Don't go it seemed to feel. She sucked in a deep breath when her mind was pushed back into her body and her hands disconnected from the telepathic circuit. Only then did it hit her that the state of her energy levels were horrendous. She staggered, falling back until she crashed into one of the pillars. She managed to break her fall as the world started turning fuzzy around the edges. She felt like a person that hadn't slept in days.

She distantly heard the Meddler sob, his fuzzy image clutching the controls muttering frantically. She wanted to go to him, desperately but her body wouldn't move an inch. She sucked in another shuddered breath before she closed her eyes and finally lost the fight, allowing her head to loll back. The only way for her body to restore that the amount of energy she lost.

She fell asleep.

[The First Doctor]

It was agony of a different sort. For more than a hundred and fifty years, he'd been cut off from the gestalt. The technique he had just tried was one he'd worked out - in theory - a century ago. He'd just never had the courage to try it until now.

And he knew he'd never find the courage to try it again. Not just because of the pain, but because the brief contact had reminded him of everything he'd lost through his act.

He shuddered, tears rolling down his face. And then he heard Sisi fall back, hitting one of the wall buttresses.

dang it, you old monster, he raged at himself. You've no time for self pity now. She needs you.

The pain had been real, but not physical. His body was working just fine, except for a little soreness in the muscles. And where he'd struck his head. He staggered to Sisi, sank down on his knees beside her, and checked her pulse. It took two tries; he had momentarily forgotten she wasn't Gallifreyan, and he had a bad moment of panic when her pulse didn't register on the side of her neck.

Still alive. Goodl

He pulled her into a sitting position, then levered her across his back in a fireman's carry. It wasn't dignified, but it would be easier this way. He didn't feel quite as well as the last time he'd had to carry her like this.

Staggering, more from his own soreness and fatigue than from any weight of hers, he made his way towards the infirmary.

---

Later...

The Meddler sat in one of the mismatched chairs in the control room, staring vaguely into his Magic Mirror. He was drinking coffee, black and triple strength, with two dashes of Tobasco and a shot of almond extract for flavor.

It had been waiting on the endtable when he returned from laying Sisi down in the infirmary. The diagnosis had been positive. Simple exhaustion. Some rest and a good meal, and she'd be fine.

He drank his coffee, brooding. He didn't feel like he'd ever be fine again.

[Sisilaya Vulmecura]

Her sleep had been dreamless, quite likely because her body was wholly concentrating on replenishing the big amount of energy she had lost when she was in contact with the TARDIS. She hadn't remembered a thing of being carried to the infirmary, yet when she blearily opened her eyes she wasn't very surprised that she was in the hospital wing of the TARDIS, Robin must have carried her here. First thing she did instinctively was open her senses to feel what was around her, the gentle droning of the TARDIS was the first she felt and it was no different from what it always was. She smiled softly and closed her eyes, enjoying the surrounding feeling of warmth.

Then she yawned and stretched on the bed, by Danu she felt like she had slept for days. All her muscles were stiff and it took her a bit of effort to even sit up in the bed. Rubbing her eyes she groaned softly, she could feel her hair was a mess. Looking down her suspicions were confirmed that her clothes were also a rumpled mess.

She needed a bath, desperately. And a change of clothes.

---------------------------------------------

Her boots thudded softly on the pristine floors of the hallways as she made her way to the control room. Instead of the brown and cream clothes she had donned while travelling with the Meddler, she was now back in the black leather battle gear she had arrived in. It had taken her a few weeks of careful fixing and relining the padding, but the armour was back in it's full function. If this was going to be as dangerous as Robin made it out to be, she was going to need the protection from this armour when she was in a fighting situation. Her leather clad hands curled in fists she neared the control room, her weapons quietly rusling along her sides. her still damp hair from the bath still clinging to the sides of her face.

When she finally saw Robin sitting there she felt a pull at her heart. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, dark bags under his eyes as he clutched a cup of coffee so strong she could smell it from across the room. To be honest, she had never caught Robin sleeping in the time she knew him, but if he were someone else she would have kicked them to bed this instant.

She sighed and came up behind him, placing her leather clad hands at his shoulders, starting to kneed to stiff muscles there gently to try and lose them up.

"You look a mess, Robin" She said quietly.

[The First Doctor]

Hours passed.

The Meddler nursed his coffee, refilling it from time. And he brooded. Images flickered in the Mirror, quick glimpses of pasts and possible futures. Cybermen. Daleks. A temple-like complex of white and rose marble, burning. Nameless, shapeless things, wheeling in an amber sky. A woman with pale, almost white hair. A lattice of diamonds and light. A man, red-haired, with features like his own, mouth dripping with orange-red blood.

He found the flickering images disturbing, and only partially for the reminders of his own past.

More images. The Doctor, looking much as he had when they'd met in the days of William the conqueror, wearing white robes and the Sash of Rassilon. The pale-haired woman. A young woman in green and silver (Rassilon! I haven't thought of her in centuries.) standing close by a young man in black. The white and rose marble building again, burning. Himself, in chains, standing on the floor of the Council Hall. Daleks.

"Why?" he muttered, angry and sad. "Why can this thing hear me? Why can't you?"

He feard footsteps approaching behind him. Strong, gentle hands rested on his shoulders, massaging stiff, sore muscles.

"You look a mess, Robin" She said quietly.

He sipped at his coffee. "It's nice to know that appearances aren't deceiving." Swallowing more coffee, he leaned back. For a few minutes he allowed Sisi to work on his neck and shoulders. Then he sighed.

"Sit down," he said, patting the other chair. "She said yes, she'd help. So now I get to explain what my plan is, and try to talk you out of going." He eyed his niece, now dressed in her wargear. "Although you look like you've already made up your mind."