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Post by thedoctor500 on Mar 29, 2011 16:37:34 GMT -5
Original
Name: The Toymaker
Age: 509
Species: Time Lord
Planet of Origin: Galifrey
Occupation: Toymaker
Physical Description: He is five foot eleven silver blue eyes, light black hair and extremely pale, he dosn't have any facil hair, his hair his black and curly and often is in a constant messy state. He though has a few wrinkles on his face which give him a distinct look.
Clothing: He often wears a blue pinestripped suit and wears a fedora and sometime has a walking stick, sometimes he alternates between a black suite and the blue but he prefers his blue suite.
Personality: Very eccentric, tends to ramble alot, sometimes talks to himself , though quite brilliant, to most he seems reserved and almost obtuse but when it comes to children he is very open and honest with them, though that is probably do to his child like thought process, and that he sees children as a hope for the future. When it comes to normal behavoir he can be very chaotic and is all over the place which infuriates those who travel with him.
History:The Toymaker ran from the Time war because he had no interest in fighting in it, he is very good with kids and uses the toys that he makes to confuse and befuddle his enemies, he became a toymaker after encountering kids while he was hiding on earth during the time war, he had used his Chameleon arch to disguise himself as human after he was sure that the time war had finished he became a time lord again, he traveled the galaxy making toys for children of different races.
He often returns to earth to visit the children that he had encountered before and often brings them gifts.He considers Earth to be one of his favorite planets though often he runs into trouble with the toys that he creates they often do not function properly and causes problems that he has to solve, it could be said that he causes most of his own problems.
One such problem was with an Axe wielding nut cracker it turned on him when an electrical alien took control of it and used to attack him it was in this incident that caused him the loss of his eye.
Technology: He has a sonic and lazer screw driver, he also has a stolen time vortex manipulator which he stole from a dieing time agent, and he has his own tardis which is his main method of transportation, His Tardis is in the perminate shape of a tiny toy store.He also has some toys that he has built that he has kept as mementos and uses them as distractions against his enemies
Additional medical information: He wears a patch over his right eye.
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Post by The Tenth Doctor on Mar 29, 2011 21:55:24 GMT -5
You'll have to explain why he wasn't raised on Gallifrey, as I have it part of Gallifreyan law for Time Lords to be raised on Gallifrey.
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Post by thedoctor500 on Mar 30, 2011 17:32:44 GMT -5
You'll have to explain why he wasn't raised on Gallifrey, as I have it part of Gallifreyan law for Time Lords to be raised on Gallifrey. thank you for the advice, i appreciate the assistance on creating my character, if you have anymore advice, i would appreciate any assistance you can provide thank you |
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Post by The Tenth Doctor on Mar 30, 2011 19:57:51 GMT -5
The description of why he was brought to Earth is still lacking.
Wait -- if he's human, then he can't be a Time Lord. Sorry. Humans don't live to be 509, and only Gallifreyans can live on Gallifrey unless they are married to a Time Lord. They wouldn't be welcome there, either, and certain Time Lords would want to kill a human living on Gallifrey.
Time Lords are another species -- they are NOT human.
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Post by Captain John Hart on Mar 30, 2011 20:03:27 GMT -5
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Post by thedoctor500 on Mar 31, 2011 17:14:45 GMT -5
The description of why he was brought to Earth is still lacking. Wait -- if he's human, then he can't be a Time Lord. Sorry. Humans don't live to be 509, and only Gallifreyans can live on Gallifrey unless they are married to a Time Lord. They wouldn't be welcome there, either, and certain Time Lords would want to kill a human living on Gallifrey. Time Lords are another species -- they are NOT human. ok so i should change his speices..as i said its a work in progress and i'm greatful for all the help and i'll try and make the explination more explanitory on why he was brought to earth |
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Post by The Tenth Doctor on Mar 31, 2011 18:01:40 GMT -5
Please capitalize the first letter of every sentence and use a spellchecker as well.
You're still not giving us much information about the character or his history. Your sentences are very short, and they don't tell us very much.
I suggest that you not play a Time Lord until you become a little more familiar with the fandom. Your application suggests that you may not really know much about Time Lords or their technology, but that just might be because you didn't give us very much detail.
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Post by thedoctor500 on May 2, 2011 14:21:47 GMT -5
Original Name: Doctor thompson Age: 509 Species: Time Lord Planet of Origin: Galifrey Occupation: Time Lord Physical Description: He is five foot eleven silver blue eyes, light black hair and extremely pale Personality: Very eccentric, tends to ramble alot, sometimes talks to himself , though quite brilliant History: Ran from the time war, he had no interest in fighting in it and used his Chameleon arch to make himself human to hide himself from any other time lords, he had waited till he was sure that the time war was over and became a time lord again.He has spent the rest of the time wandering through out time and the universe attempting to aide other races with severe incidents that have occurred in their histories. Technology: He has a sonic and lazer screw driver, he also has a stolen time manipulator which he stole from a dieing time agent, and he has his own tardis which is his main method of transportation Additional medical information He is blind in one eye and wears a patch over his right eye in which he is blind in How's this? |
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Post by Sarah Jane on May 3, 2011 0:01:51 GMT -5
Hi! Your character submission is improving. I don't have any clout around here. I'm just another player. However, I know that Tenth, who runs this place, has had her hands full of real life and a bad Internet connection for a couple of weeks now. Usually Tenth's posts are all over this place, and I see most character submissions get a response in a day or two. Right now, we're expecting Tenth to be back back in force in a few more days. I just wanted to let you know you've been seen, and you'll be responded to by someone of authority in a little while. Thanks for your patience. Changing your character's species makes things much simpler. That works now. You missed something in Tenth's advice, though, and it could use another edit. Every sentence needs to be complete, and they need to end in a period (or a question mark, or an exclamation point). grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/period.htmYou have correctly used a list-like style that doesn't need periods as you answered the questions, "Name" "Age" "Species" "Planet of Origin" and more. Can you write full sentences with periods at the end when you are answering the questions "History" "Technology" and "Medical Information"? Below is my personal advise, and you don't have to do anything I say to get your character approved. Only Tenth can do that. 1. Your posts tends toward being repetitive. My guess is you just forgot to proof read. Do a little proof reading to avoid mistakes like this: He is blind in one eye and wears a patch over his right eye in which he is blind in Read more: whoniverse-rp.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=ooc&action=post&thread=4995&page=1#ixzz1LGElMctH2. I think you might get to do more posting right away if you create a second character who is not a Time Lord. Time Lords are very tricky, and a hard place to start. There is no reason you couldn't have two submissions going at once. Keep working on this one, but try a second one as well. Time Lords are tricky to play, and you might want to meet a few, or watch a few more before you dive in. I suppose Tenth was really suggesting that you do that, but I'd say if you're in love with the idea of playing a Time Lord, then keep working on this one. It couldn't hurt to study these a little bit. whoniverse-rp.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=timelordsor even these for inspiration whoniverse-rp.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=doctorsThe Whoniverse is wide and deep, there are endless possibilities for character creation to get you more familiar with the place. Good Luck, -SJ |
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Post by Archetype2 on May 3, 2011 0:09:31 GMT -5
Hi,
Much like Sarah Jane, I hold no weight in terms of approval, however I would like to offer my own advice that is consistent with what Sarah Jane has said. Also, when editing your character, you do not need to qote and re-post it, just click modify and pots afterwards a reply saying you've fixed it. How did he get blind in his right eye? I am interested in seeing wehre you plan to go and can help if you need it. Sorry my advice is so minimum.
Also if you need it, i can help you edit the profile in my small helpful ways.
Good Luck, I'll check in over time.
-A2
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Post by thedoctor500 on May 26, 2011 15:57:12 GMT -5
how's this now?
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Post by The Bookkeeper on May 26, 2011 20:22:23 GMT -5
You must be dedicated. Timelords are a race. You cannot simply choice to not be a Timelord. Thank you for holding in this long.
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Post by Sarah Jane on May 28, 2011 17:15:28 GMT -5
I think you did a very nice job on your last edit. The Toymaker is a very interesting idea. Nice work. Thank you for hanging in there with us while everyone graduates an moves. This place is going to be hopping soon as summer comes.
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Post by The Second Doctor on Jun 25, 2011 10:07:45 GMT -5
Hello! I also have no word in whether you get approved or not, but I have a bit of advice for your profile. I'm not as expeirenced (notice the "new member" single star) as the two above, but have made three profiles in which I had a lot of help from Archetype and others.
All that to say, I have a little bit of advice which you can choose to listen to or disregard completely.
1. Redundancy.
Ah, the killer. It was stated before, allow me to give a revised example. When you say a phrase once in a sentence, there is no need to say it again.
"He is blind in one eye and wears a patch over his right eye in which he is blind in"
Ok, reading the sentence, we know he's blind and that being the reason he wears an eyepatch. So why, then, does it state again that he's blind?
2. Physical Description
Fear it. When interacting with other players who want to know what your character looks like, you want to make this a paragraph or prefferably longer. Here, I'll give you some questions to ask yourself as you expand.
Does his age show on his face?
Does he have facial hair?
Does he wear glasses?
These are just a few, you may want to ask yourself more. It would also help to add "Clothing" to this.
3. Personality
Another "Paragragher." Add the fact that he's good with children to this. We need to know how to expect to behave. Just a bit longer than the one incomplete sentence you have now.
Thanks for putting up with my nitpicking for a while, good luck with getting approved!
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