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Post by Captain John Hart on Mar 13, 2011 21:50:01 GMT -5
Okay, I am going to start up a class. If you would like to join in, then feel free to do so. This class is open to anyone and everyone. I am going to start out with something simple and have everyone do a basic post that will follow the opening post.
I want you to keep some of the following in mind when posting:
How would they think?
What objects and items would they be using?
Where would they be doing it?
How would they see the problem?
What action would they take?
How would they explain the problem?
How would they solve the problem?
How is your character dressed?
Why are they there?
What is the surrounding area like?
Those are just a few things to keep in mind. Remember, the longer the post, the more the person has to reply to. Take your time with posting, the more time you put into the post, the more it pays off. In order to improve, you have to take the first steps in doing that. I find it helps to post in Word or another program like that to check grammar and spelling before posting on the site.
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Post by Captain John Hart on Mar 13, 2011 21:55:37 GMT -5
Opening Post
The clouds gathered in the blue gray sky above, the sky becoming darker as time passed. The leaves were turned up in the trees and even the air carried a sense that it was going to storm soon but also night was coming to the city. There was just the feeling around that carried that message. The streets had a few cars driving along them, rush hour having ended an hour or so ago. People were making their way along the sidewalks, either heading out for a night out on the town or heading back home. However one bar was starting to become more popular as time went into those dark hours. Right now they were serving dinner up along with the drinks.
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firepeltxcoldpelt
New Member
Wish on a star and the doctor will come![A1i:1]
Posts: 19
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Post by firepeltxcoldpelt on Oct 31, 2011 5:31:30 GMT -5
One person looked across the road watching the bar thinking about whether she had the time to go in and pay for some dinner, well she was hungry after all, so she walked up to the bar thinking about where to sit and what to get as she looked up at the dark sky, still growing darker by the second.
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Post by Sarah Jane on Nov 15, 2011 3:00:31 GMT -5
Quote
One person looked across the road watching the bar thinking about whether she had the time to go in and pay for some dinner. Well, she was hungry after all. She walked up to the bar thinking about where to sit and what to get as she looked up at the dark sky, still growing darker by the second.
Unquote
This is a good start. Your character is seeing and thinking and feeling her body. There is also a nice sense of sad foreboding from her empty belly and the darkening sky.
Keep an eye out for run on sentences. A sentence is a complete thought, so periods help the reader to separate your thoughts a little for them. I have made edits in pink on the punctuation to help show you where you might break your thoughts into sentences.
If you would like, I would like to challenge you to expand on your post a few more sentences. If you're uncertain what to write, try looking at John's list above of things to write about, and choose any one of those aspects that you have not covered in your post yet.
If you try this and make a modification on your post above, then please also send me a PM to let me know you so I can come see your solutions!
For bonus points, come up with two different words for "Bar". The complication is that a Bar is a building, and a bar is a thing inside a Bar where you order drinks.
Just ignore me if you wish to wait for John.
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Chadirra
Junior Member
I am shy.[A1i:5]
Posts: 76
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Post by Chadirra on Nov 29, 2011 11:28:13 GMT -5
Ok here goes round two.
Chadirra walked down the street being careful not to bump anyone or look suspicious to anyone as she walked quietly among the noisy people. She stopped in front of an alley and looked up and down the street that was filled with busy people.
She smiled as a mother carry her young child into a store then noticed a group of people stare at her as they walked past. She looked at her clothing, they were similar to what the humans here on Earth were wearing basic shirt, jacket, pants and shoes. But.. why did they stare at me? Is it because I do not look Earthling enough?Do I smell like a human.. She looked around again deep in thought Are they advanced enough to tell I am from another planet or are they a class that are still evolving?
She thought she felt something wet and looked up at the sky and saw that it was very clowdy. she looked out at the corner of her eye she saw a woman open up an umbrella and continue on her way. Chadirra jumped when a rain drop landed on her nose. Wow.. rain. she smiled which faded when she looked across the street to see a man staring at her, she studied him for a moment, he was wearing a blue suit with a tie, with a long brown coat that went just below his ankles, and his hair was spiked and he was well groomed.
She took a step back before turning around and quickly walked down the alley I wonder if he can tell I am not really from Earth? She walked to a back door and quietly opened it and walked in. She looked around and saw the room was empty and walked into another room where people were drinking or dancing to loud music, "What is this place?" She said quietly to herself as she looked around with interest, "Is this where they come to hang out with friends?" She jumped when someone put a glass in front of her.
"This is on me." He said with a large grin on his face.
"Thank you." Chadirra said as she picked up the glass and sipped some, she watched as the man turned away and tended to other people. Wow... that was kind of him she thought as she sipped some of the drink as she continued looking around.
"Oi!" The same man yelled, "Take your bloody fght outside of my pub!" Chadirra watched as the two men looked at him then went back to drinking and talking peacefully.
She looked over at the front door as a man came walking in, she recognized him as the one that was across the street from her. She quickly sat down next to a man that was quietly drinking his drink. She faced away from the man that walked through the door and hoped that he would not recognize her.
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Post by Sarah Jane on Nov 29, 2011 18:22:57 GMT -5
Dear Chadirra
It is obvious that you are a writer. Your post is interesting, and well presented. This is going to be easy : )
A. My only technical writing note is that you start with the familiar third person that most people role play in, using "she" to refer to the character you're writing.
Quote - She looked around at all the people - unquote.
Then you change to first person.
Quote - I appear human, but do I smell like one? - unquote. When you let us in on the personal thoughts of your character in this first person way, use a modifying phrase, and perhaps even put it in italics.
Example - I appear human, but do I smell like one? She thought to herself. -end example. There are many ways to do this, but the phrase "She thought" is as ubiquitous as "She said", and you can use it often without annoying people.
B. And now, your challenge, should you choose to accept it. In general, I'm suggesting you add to your post, either by including what happened right before, or by including what happens next, such as, does the man who stared at her follow her? Or leave her alone?
It would be good to make some sort of contact with your writing partner's character, or be prepared to carry your own story for a while. John, in his post marked "Opening Post" above, has insinuated that he is in a bar in the city in the evening. He doesn't really say so, but by talking about what is happening inside the bar, he is hinting at you to go there.
You do not have to go there, of course, your character could be anywhere. Perhaps that ally is the one behind the bar. However, if you are not going to enter the bar, then you might wish to give your writing partner more to work with. As it is, your post ends with your character hiding in the dark somewhere we know not. That can be difficult for your writing partners to work with.
This is not a hard and fast rule, certainly characters can go on for pages without crossing each others paths. There is nothing wrong with a slow reveal of self. I only mention it because you are brand new to this and might not know.
I also wondered if you were implying that John's character was the one that stared at your character in the ally way. You're not allowed to puppet characters played by other people. If that man was not supposed to be John, then it works just fine. That is called an NPC, a Non - Player Character. You used the concept of an NPC character well when you wrote about the other people in the street and how they were not noticing you, except the one who stared.
If the one who stared is supposed to be John, then that is puppeting him, or moding, as some people say.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to modify your post with your new information. Then please do let me know by PM.
I'd like to keep this thread a little compact, so if you would use "Modify Post" instead of "Reply" That will keep things nice and tight.
Sincerely,
-SJ
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Post by Sarah Jane on Dec 31, 2011 2:03:14 GMT -5
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