The S.S. Thrill Ride

[Susan Foreman]

“Oh, well that’s not completely true. At first I thought you were coming because you wanted my Tardis,” he said. Susan sighed and moved away from the console, lifting her hands surrenderingly into the air. However, she watched warily as he continued to turn knobs. He’d claimed he wasn’t going to fight her to keep himself alive, so he really wasn’t at all sure just what he was doing. And that slightly irritated her, but she kept her mouth shut for the moment.

As he admitted that she’d win in a fight, she rolled her eyes. “Getting too old? Ha! Don’t make me laugh. You’re only a few hundred years older than me at the most,” she said, waving off his comment. “I doubt you would have come if you thought you were too old. Or did you really go easy on us? This regeneration does pull off the pout quite well,” Susan mused, walking next to Sarah.

“Also, just what do you think you’re doing?” she asked, finally referencing her nagging thoughts about the way he continued to press and turn dials.

“Oh yes, I’m enchanted, but that’s not going to happen. If I were you, I would remember whose Tardis you’re in,” he said lightly, his voice carrying the undertones of venom. Susan’s eyes flashed in recognition of the challenge, but her senses told her to back down.

“Well, if he cleaned out my gutters, I might be more willing to believe the Dark Lord still doesn’t have me on his maybe better dead list,” Sarah said. Susan glanced towards Alec, smiling slightly at his rebuttal.

She leaned against the rail of the TARDIS, looking thoughtful. “If your home was teleported to a different galaxy and there’s still crud in your gutters, I’d venture a guess and say something’s wrong.”

ooc| terribly sorry for that lame post.

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[The Second Doctor]

"Getting too old? Ha! Don’t make me laugh. You’re only a few hundred years older than me at the most,”

Alec muttered something about two hundred years and three times as many incarnations before she spoke again.

"I doubt you would have come if you thought you were too old. Or did you really go easy on us? This regeneration does pull off the pout quite well,”

"Yet you seem intent on keeping me alive. I'll certainly be he older by the tine you're through talking." he mumbled grumpily, gold eyes flashing towards Susan and back onto the console.

Susan seemed bugged about something.
“Also, just what do you think you’re doing?”
Her form flickered, as if teleported somewhere, but snapped back.
"Trying to get you out of my Tardis. The best we've reached is indefinite neutrality, I don't think either of us is planning to invite each other for tea," he said, a sad look on his face, "Plus I don't like gutters."

“If your home was teleported to a different galaxy and there’s still crud in your gutters, I’d venture a guess and say something’s wrong.”

Alec raised an eyebrow.
"Do you have experience...?" he asked seriously.

Alec's console lit up, and the screen showed a woman, and the word Nostrovite, and a
Vortex Manipulator. He frowned, his face suddenly becoming a mixture of sadness and frustration.

"Ms. Foreman, Ms. Smith, I have somewhere to be." he told them.

Once upon a time, Alec had borrowed a Vortex Manipulator from a friend, and this guy wanted it back. A Nostrovite, also identical to the one on screen, have grabbed it from his wrist.

"Seriously, please go. I've got a lot of violence to do, and you know you don't want to help." he told them.

[Sarah Jane]

The tranquility was brief between the two Gallifreyans. It became stiff and awkward quickly as Harrison collected himself. Susan might be unconcerned about being in the Dark Lord's TARDIS, but Sarah was on high alert. She did not like the way the sullen faced man fiddled at his controls and glared at Susan. Sarah's gaze darted back and fourth between the pair as she tried to weigh the situation.

Susan flickered beside her. It was a terrifying surprise that Susan could be so entirely there, then so absolutely gone. For that frozen heartbeat that Susan was not there, Sarah Jane saw how slim her chances were inside the Dark Lord's TARDIS alone. Oh, please, don't let me be left here with him. This Time Lord who had plotted against her so.

"Susan. Susan come on." she said low, watching the Dark Lord suspiciously and tugging at Susan's sleeve in the direction of the door. "Lets just go. Please."

[Susan Foreman]

“Trying to get you out of my Tardis. The best we’ve reached is indefinite neutrality. I don’t think either of us is planning to invite each other out for tea,” he said. Susan raised an eyebrow at his bluntness. He seemed so eager to get her off the TARDIS, and yet he was sad about their ‘indefinite neutrality’?

She’d never understand other people.

She was going to comment about this contradiction, when she wasn’t… there anymore. It only lasted for a brief second, barely enough time for her mind to register that he’d attempted to remove her. She frowned. “You could just ask me to leave,” Susan said icily.

“Ms. Foreman—“ and here she was tempted to correct him to Mrs Campbell, but David was dead and she didn’t want to think about it “—Ms. Smith, I have somewhere to be. Seriously, please go. I’ve got a lot of violence to do, and you know you don’t want to help.”

Despite her earlier words of ‘just ask and I’ll leave’, she felt her stubborn nature drifting towards the surface. How would he know what she did or did not want to do? For all he knew, she could be in the mafia. Or… something equally as violent. She was going to retort and tell him about exactly how violent she could be, when she felt something tugging on her clothes.

Slightly irritated, she looked over at the young woman. The annoyance on her face, however, calmed when she saw the fear in Sarah’s eyes. “Susan. Susan come on. Let’s just go. Please.”

She followed Sarah for a few steps. “Okay. I’m coming,” she said, stepping out of the TARDIS.

ooc| … if you need me to edit this let me know.
I was pretty distracted while writing this,
so it’s even more bad than usual. XD

[The Second Doctor]

Alec was glad when Susan left, but also a little sad. But he couldn't leave it like this, he had to express one thing.

He turned back to Susan, a sad look on his face.
"Look Susan I know this means nothing to you and you'll surely remember me as 'that emotionally distraught jerk that brought you to a moon,' but know this: I sincerely thank you for being my friend- formerly, I mean -and the one person I could trust during a really difficult time in my life. I'll never forget you Susan, whether you forget me or not." he lamented.

He immediately turned back to the console and continued his work, embarrassed at his ranting.
"Sorry." he said lamely.

[Sarah Jane]

As the Dark Lord stopped Susan in the doorway, Sarah Jane took hold of Susan's sleeve and held on with all her might. She watched and listened suspiciously, ready if anything went wrong.

It was only an apology. Something that was almost never wrong. It was so fraught with complex history, that she wondered what this was doing to Susan.

[Susan Foreman]

She looked between Sarah and Alec, unsure of what she should do. Her grandfather would have found a way to fix everything. He would have been able to escort the woman to safety and assure that nothing terrible happened to her – certainly he would have realized Alec’s intentions before they got to the moon. (Somehow… she didn’t really know for sure how, but it just sounded like something the Doctor would pull off.) He also would have been able to heal Alec’s emotional wounds, allowing the fragile, volatile Time Lord a second chance. He could have accomplished both of these rather impossible tasks at the same time.

But Susan couldn’t.

“Look Susan I know this means nothing to you—” bah, like he knew so much about her? “—and you’ll remember me as ‘that’ emotionally distraught jerk that brought you to a moon’—” maybe that part was true… “—but know this: I sincerely thank you for being my friend—formerly, I mean – and the one person I could trust during a really difficult time in my life. I’ll never forget you Susan, whether you forget me or not,” he finished. Susan sighed, looking down at Sarah’s vice-like grip on her sleeve.

Susan looked behind her, leaning against the doorway of the TARDIS. “I’m not sure what you want me to do, Alec,” she said, a frown settling on her lips. “You told me to get out of here and you tried to teleport me, but you act as though you don’t want me to leave. You don’t listen to me when I try to apologize even though I do forgive you and I am sorry about everything,” she continued, deciding that he’d gone a shbiel of his own, so why not her?

“I can’t know what you want me to do unless you tell me. Do you want me to stay, or do you want me to leave?” she asked, biting her bottom lip nervously. “If you want me to leave, you can always find me, if you want.” She held up the vortex manipulator lamely. [/font]

[The Second Doctor]

Susan looked behind her, leaning against the doorway of his TARDIS. “I’m not sure what you want me to do, Alec,” she said, a frown on her face, “You told me to get out of here and you tried to teleport me, but you act as though you don’t want me to leave. You don’t listen to me when I try to apologize even though I do forgive you and I am sorry about everything,” she continued.

"I can't make you do anything. I admit, I don't know you anymore. I have no sense of whether the Alec you knew on Galifrey means anything to you, or if you can even remember that. I'm sorry of you don't like me, but that's not my problem anymore."

The Dark Lord sighed, his logic paradoxical. He knew it, and it confused him. He liked Susan, then disliked her, then hated himself for it as she had done nothing wrong and had every right to hate him in every aspect.

“I can’t know what you want me to do unless you tell me. Do you want me to stay, or do you want me to leave?” she asked, “If you want me to leave, you can always find me, if you want.” She held up the vortex manipulator.

Something snapped in Alec. Or maybe woke up. Either way, he began rambling.

"If I had to tell you the truth I'm afraid I'd have to say that after all I've done..." he glanced at Sarah, "And failed to do
I feel like less than I thought I'd be. You see, I'm at my weakest when I see clearest. I've come to realize that things hurt more when they make the most sense." Alec said, and for a second flames just might've reflected flames.

Another deep sigh.
"All I mean to say is that it's your choice. You could stay with me, help me with what I'm doing, we might even begin to be friends again. But you have every right to walk away and hope to never see me again. Granddaughter of the Doctor, I will respect your choice." Alec said, a hint of darkness tainting every word.

[Sarah Jane]

The Dark Lord apparently still would have preferred Sarah Jane to be, if not dead, then drastically off course. Hm. Dead. She would have died there, he was just to squeamish apparently too simply knock her on the head with a two by four. The look in his eyes when he glanced at her had enough unconcealed venom that she let go of Susan's sleeve, and took a few steps away, still watching them both through the door.

The two seemed to have so much history. And the Dark Lord had a TARDIS. Who could pass that up? She would not hold Susan here, no matter how much she might miss the virtual stranger. She just liked her.

This moment made her feel so terribly torn in two, she stood there, breathless, wondering what was going to happen next.

[Susan Foreman]

“I can’t make you do anything. I admit, I don’t know you anymore. I have no sense of whether the Alec you knew on Gallifrey means anything to you, or if you can even remember that. I’m sorry if you don’t like me, but that’s not my problem anymore.”

He made it sound so simple. Susan wafted, looking between Sarah and Alec, wishing either of them would just tell her what they wanted from her. She knew Sarah would want what only the Doctor could give her. Alec wanted… she had no idea, but it was probably something she’d never be able to offer. “I know that you can’t make me do anything,” she responded, an edge to her voice that she wished we go away because she didn’t mean it.

She put down the vortex manipulator, back inside of her jacket pocket. “If I had to tell you the truth—“ no, no, the truth is bad “—I’m afraid I’d have to say that after all I’ve done…and failed to do I feel like less than I thought I’d be. You see, I’m at my weakest when I see clearest. I’ve come to realize that things hurt more when they make the most sense.” Susan lifted a wary hand to her temple, slightly afraid that the man was speaking her thoughts.

A shift beside her – and a sudden loss – made her stumble ungracefully. It seemed Sarah had fled the scene – well, at least a few steps back. She took a hesitant step towards the woman, throat closing up slightly. She wanted to be both places at once, and it wasn’t fair that neither of them would just… speak.

None of this would have happened if you would have just stayed home, her mind hissed. If you hadn’t tracked Sarah down because you wanted that stupid restaurant.

“All I mean to say is that it’s your choice. You could stay with me, help me with what I’m doing, we might even begin to be friends again. But you have every right to walk away and hope to never see me again. Granddaughter of the Doctor, I will respect your choice.” But he didn’t exactly sound all sunshine and daffodils and rainbow puppies. It kind of sounded like he was going to throw himself off Big Ben and take someone with him.

She glanced at Sarah, mildly relieved the young woman seemed unfazed by the ‘Granddaughter of the Doctor’ comment. “You keep telling me that, but you’re not telling me what you want me to do. How can I help either of you when I don’t know what you want?” she asked. [/font]

[Sarah Jane]

She realized then that she had not understood Susan at all. Well, except for her loneliness. To see her stumble, to see her break in such a way made Sarah. This new depth, as well, made her realize that in her mind, she had already deemed the Time Lady a friend. One, this moment, was in need. Sarah reached out a hand in invitation to Susan, wigging her fingers just a wee bit in invitation.

"I want you to stay with me, Susan." A small shake of her head as her sea hazel eyes locked on to Susan's. flame blue eyes, wherever they were looking. "Please." Her words were strongly imploring, but there was the slightest edge of desperation if only in the way she stood, and perhaps the raggedness of her breathing.

[The Second Doctor]

“I know that you can’t make me do anything."

"Good," he said simply, studying Susan for any signs of emotion besides confusion or a little hurt. What was he looking for? Compassion? It wasn't there. It was his own fault of course.

"You keep telling me that, but you’re not telling me what you want me to do. How can I help either of you when I don’t know what you want?" Susan asked.

Her constant nagging as if she cared what he wanted was getting slightly annoying.
"Look, I wish my life was full of truth rather than old familiar lies, I wish I was happy, and I wish I cared. But you know what? It's not, it won't be, and I don't. Can you fix that? Not since I last checked. Last time I checked you didn't really care what happened to me, you only wished that I would go and die. I don't believe anything's changed, amd I don't think you do either. So I hope, no, I pray that next time I lose a friend- if I ever have anymore -that I get a grip, because if I don't, if I try to help them, Lord have mercy on my soul!" he yelled the last part, through his teeth.

Alec turned back to the console.
"Life isn't easy, you know that as well as I do. Things change, people die. I just want be so stubborn that it doesn't phase me anymore." he admitted.

He half-knew his rant would probably drive the two off, but he didn't care. It had to come out sometime. Why not now? It wasn't like they were going to remember him for his good qualities anyways.

[Susan Foreman]

If Alec was going to cut her any sort of slack, he wasn’t showing it. His words were cold and short, and she could tell she was wearing on his nerves. Susan bit her lip, unsure of how to approach the man that hated her. She wanted his friendship. Even despite all the pain he’d gone through – and her, but that was okay – they could still be friends. But her optimism was fading quickly in front of his massive, glacier of pessimism. “I’m sorry,” she said meekly. “You lost everyone. I know that. I know how it feels to have your entire life ripped out from under you, Alec. But you haven’t lost me,” she said, unsure of why she was still arguing when she already lost the battle.

“Look, I wish my life was full of truth rather than old familiar lies, I wish I was happy, and I wish I cared. But you know what? It’s not, it won’t be, and I don’t. Can you fix that? Not since I last checked. Last time I checked you didn’t really care what happened to me, you only wished that I would go and die. I don’t believe anything’s changed, and I don’t think you do either. So I hope, no, I pray that next time I lose a friend – if I ever have anymore – that I get a grip, because if I don’t, if I try to help them, Lord have mercy on my soul!”

She looked down, face burning. She couldn’t change anything. She was just an emotionally stunted idiot, wasn’t she? The words stung Susan harshly. The next time I lose a friend. He already considered her lost, so what was she still doing there? Why was she still trying so fiercely to weasel her way back into his good graces when it was obvious the man didn’t have ‘good graces’?

Susan grit her teeth and pinched herself, thinking about rainbow puppies and glittering kittens. She wouldn’t allow the Dark Lord to see her cry, no matter how deeply his words had wounded her. “I want you to stay with me, Susan,” the young woman told her. The honey to Alec’s vinegar. Susan raised her eyes hesitantly to Sarah’s. The woman held out a hand, and the edges of Susan’s lips twitched into a thoughtful smile, reminding her of what seemed like weeks ago at the bar.

“Please.”

She nodded gently. “Alec…” she trailed off, unable to articulate the words pushing at her skull. “I don’t want it to end like this, you idiot. If I wanted you to die I wouldn’t have come in here after you. I wouldn’t have forgiven you. I’m sorry if I’ve done something to piss you off,” she snapped.

She took Sarah’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry that I can’t help you. I want to, even though you don’t believe me,” she said, stepping out of the TARDIS. She looked back at him, unsettled by the unsolved problem between them.

“Find me later. I dare you,” she challenged. “If you can. You seem to be losing your touch.”[/font]

[The Second Doctor]

Alec had had a feeling she wouldn't leave easily. But why was she still lingering? Despite his best attempts to drive her off, she stayed. Why couldn't she be more like Sarah?

“I’m sorry,” she said, “You lost everyone. I know that. I know how it feels to have your entire life ripped out from under you, Alec. But you haven’t lost me,”

"That's all good and well despite the fact that not only is it a well-known fact how much if a jerk I am, I believe it. Encourage it even. What's the point of making me think I'm a good person? Good people don't try to kill people. What good am I as a friend to you?" he asked, not even looking.

“Alec…” she trailed off.

"Just go." he said, not loud enough.

"I don’t want it to end like this, you idiot. If I wanted you to die I wouldn’t have come in here after you. I wouldn’t have
forgiven you. I’m sorry if I’ve done something to piss you off,” she snapped.

"Doubt it." he said.

Deep, deep down (or just under the skin counting his mood swings) he felt the same way. He wanted to warmly tell them both how he was thankful for there forgiveness and again deeply sorry. He wanted to send them off happily, hoping to meet them again soon. Most of all, he wanted to tell Susan he was glad they were still friends.

If only he was that kind of person.

“I’m sorry that I can’t help you. I want to, even though you don’t believe me,” she said.

"Sorry to rain on your parade, but something I doubt you'd be sorry to do is walk out that door and forget me, just like everyone-" he stuttered off course, not wanting to say anything more.

"Find me later. I dare you,” she challenged. “If you can. You seem to be losing your touch.”

Last chance, they were leaving. He had to say something, now or never. Like that strange decision to join your friends or stay home. But he didn't. It was too late to him...

"Thank you, Susan." he said to her jibe.

He turned back to his console, priming it for his next travel. Broken, pathetic, and most of all, unable to hold back his tears as Susan had. His face was calm, but tears streamed down his cheeks.

He was a Timelord. What a life.

[Sarah Jane]

Was it through such pain that gifts were warped into weapons? She had seen it more than once in her Travels with the Doctor. It was a truly Universal phenomenon. She had even seen it, perhaps in it's most devastating from, in Gallefreians. Because their gifts were so extensive, so to could be the potential depths of their induced destruction on the Here and Now, or even the Then and There.

It had always surprised her that she could connect with the Doctor even when he stood on the edge of this abyss of darkness. Sometimes, she wondered, in the end, if that had been one of the reasons he had kept her so close at his side, almost like an interstellar Jiminy Cricket.

They had, on more than one occasion, counseled each other back from the brink when events became untenable. It wasn't always easy, the code of conduct she and the Doctor had chosen for themselves. There was another reason, perhaps, that they had stayed together. Neither chose the easy road, for they knew the journey was as important as the destination when it came to striving for joy and deflecting a darkness of being.

Quiet study of this in her own mind had led her to the conclusion that the Doctor should not Travel alone. Perhaps no Time Lord should. Perhaps it would save others if Susan went with him now and helped hold him in check.

Sarah didn't care. So there. She strode those few steps back to the emotionally struggling Time Lady, though Sarah could feel herself flinching back from the Dark Lord's TARDIS. Why? Because hearing what the two had to say to each other made it crystal clear to her that Susan truly was the Doctor's granddaughter, as she had been surprised to learn. She knew, deep down, Susan was just plain good. She craved to be near such goodness like she craved the sun in winter. She gripped one of Susan's hands in both of hers. She pulled, quite slowly, but with some strength.

"Susan, don't go with him, he's not ready for you. I am. don't leave me here." her voice thick with plain selfishness and want.


The rather sad thing is (though Sarah knew none of this), whichever decision Susan made next, the state of the Universe would pay as whomever was left alone. As their gifts went unchecked, as they chose a path warped by the pain of this moment, so did the future ripple and warp.